


This Way Inside

by Bal3xicon



Series: Casting Their Ballot for Eternity [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Abby enjoys having a younger woman on her arm, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Raven in suits, fake dating au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 09:40:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6798694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bal3xicon/pseuds/Bal3xicon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr Prompt: “I need you to pretend we’re dating…”</p>
<p>Abby x Raven Fake Dating AU</p>
<p>To deter Marcus Kane from making any further advances, Abby pretends to be dating Raven. Their facade is forced to continue with several functions involving Marcus and other people from the hospital over several weeks. It is Lexa who first notices the shift, when Abby and Raven's pretend relationship begins to change and she worries about Raven's heart being broken if the charade continues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Way Inside

Raven rested her elbow against the bar, purse tucked under her arm, and looked on with a smile as Abby, Callie, and Indra laughed through the final chorus of their song. Karaoke bars were definitely not her thing, but Anya and Clarke had managed to drag her up on stage for a rendition of ‘Hold On’ with the promise that if she performed once, her good deed was done for the night. Callie sat through the entire song, hands clasped at her chin, grinning like a small child. It had been worth it for the look on her face.

When Raven’s drink arrived she went over to join the rest of the group, Callie’s ‘Bride to be’ sash now upside down and back to front. The wedding was three weeks away and Abby, Gina, and Indra had followed Callie’s instruction to keep the bachelorette party low key. No strippers. No penis candy. She just wanted a night out with her favourite people and had hinted at karaoke more than once when they were in the planning stages.

Taking a seat next to Lexa, Raven stretched out her legs and massaged her thigh above her prosthetic.

“Is it giving you trouble again?” Lexa leaned over to speak directly into Raven’s ear so she could be heard above the noise as Clarke, Anya and Callie took the stage for another song.

“Yeah, it’s my own fault for going too hard at the gym this week. Don’t mention it to Anya.” Raven raised an eyebrow at Lexa in warning and Lexa vowed to keep her lips sealed.

Sipping her drink, Raven grinned at the group of women around her. Octavia was the only one missing from the celebrations, her flight home delayed. In a way, Raven felt it might be for the best that she couldn’t make it. This was the first time they had all been together since Aurora’s funeral and Raven was concerned about how Octavia would feel being with everyone again so soon after her mother’s death.

Raven finished her drink in one sip, determined to keep her sadness at bay for the evening. Aurora was a few years younger than Raven’s own mother, but the two had grown up together and been close friends Aurora’s whole life. When Raven’s mother passed away while Raven was still in high school, Aurora took her in despite having two children of her own. Raven got to know Abby and Callie who were both colleagues of Aurora’s at the hospital, and while Clarke played with Octavia and Bellamy, Raven would talk science with the adults, never quite fitting with either group, always somewhere in between.

“I know that look, Raven Reyes. Should I get you another drink?” Abby had certainly had a few, but the smile on her face was sincere, concern in her eyes.

“I didn’t want to go there tonight, Abby, but I miss her, you know?” Raven kept her voice as low as possible, not wanting Callie to hear her as she took a seat opposite Abby and Raven.

Abby nodded and wrapped an arm around Raven’s shoulders.

“I do, honey. We all do, and it’s going to be big this week without her. It’s okay to acknowledge that.” Offering her hand to Raven, Abby pulled her up and the two headed back towards the bar.

Abby ordered a round for the table and asked the bartender to bring it over for them. As she handed over her money, she glanced around the bar and ducked her head, taking a seat on the stool between her and Raven.

“What’s wrong?” Raven made to look back over her shoulder, but felt Abby’s hand on her cheek stopping her from turning.

“Don’t look. It’s Marcus from work, he won’t let up about asking me out. How the hell are we in the same bar on a Friday night? This city is huge.” Abby’s voice faded to a whisper as the man approached them.

“Abby, fancy seeing you here.” Something in his manner suggested to Raven that he had been expecting to see Abby.

Raven heard Abby groan under her breath a split second before she attempted to arrange her face into a smile which appeared to Raven to be more of a grimace.

“Marcus. What a coincidence.” Abby gritted her teeth as she urged the corners of her mouth upward.

Raven felt Abby reach for her hand and raised an eyebrow in question. Abby’s eyes widened as she exaggerated her smile once more and turned back to face the man. Still holding Raven’s hand, Abby stood from her spot on the bar stool and laced her fingers between Raven’s, turning her to face Marcus.

“Raven, this is Marcus Kane. Marcus is the new Chair of the hospital board. Marcus, this is my girlfriend, Raven Reyes. Raven’s an Associate Professor in Mech-E at the Mount Weather School of Engineering. She’s worked with our hospital on many occasions.”

Marcus looked as stunned as Raven felt. Gritting her own teeth she turned her head and raised her eyebrows again, her smile as forced as Abby’s.

“Oh, well, it’s certainly a pleasure to meet you, Raven. I had no idea you were seeing anyone, Abby. How long have the two of you been together?" Marcus looked pale as he glanced from one woman to another.

“Oh, it’s very new, isn’t it Abs?” Raven squeezed Abby’s hand, and Abby forced a laugh.

“Well, we’ve been friends for many years, Marcus, but this-“ Abby raised their conjoined hands and kissed Raven’s finger tips, -“this, is very new.”

“Well then, congratulations. You’re one very lucky woman, Raven-“

“As am I.” Abby interrupted. Marcus nodded, lips pressed together in a thin line.

“Well, ladies, enjoy your night. I’ll see you next week at work, Abby.” Marcus walked off in the same direction he’d come from and Raven turned on her heel and stared at Abby.

“Jesus, Abs. A little warning next time, okay?” The smile on her face was now completely genuine, the feeling of Abby’s hand in hers not at all a concern, and as the bartender walked past with their tray of drinks, the two followed on, fingers still laced together.

 

* * *

 

The following three weeks were hectic, most of the group still having numerous work commitments despite helping to ensure everything was in place for Callie and Sinclair’s wedding.

Raven had been required to make several visits to the hospital for work, and each time Marcus appeared and she feigned a bigger interest in Abby, putting on a show. In the final days before the wedding, Raven took advantage of having to install a new prototype in the simulation training room at the hospital, and swung by Abby’s floor on her lunch break to see if Octavia had delivered Callie’s dress. Despite Abby, Callie, Anya, and Clarke all needing to suture patients on a regular basis, Octavia was the only one with legitimate sewing skills worth a damn.

“Yes, she dropped it off this morning. It’s on the back of the door in the on call room. It would’ve needed to be folded to fit in my locker and I didn’t want to chance anything happening to it.” Abby walked as she talked, Raven struggling to keep up as they rounded the nurse’s station and headed down a corridor. “Just in here.”

Abby opened the door, standing aside to let Raven walk past before following her and closing the door behind them. The dress was hanging on one of the hooks on the back of the door and as Abby lifted the plastic which was protecting the dress, Raven took two steps back to take a better look at it.

Abby gasped Raven’s name in the split second before Raven slipped on a shoe cover which had been left on the floor in the middle of the room. Her good leg went out from under her and she had just enough time to put her hand out behind her as she landed awkwardly, her prosthetic not allowing her to maintain her balance.

“Fuck!” As Raven landed she grabbed hold of her wrist and clutched it to her chest, pain throbbing from where it had bent back when she hit the ground. “Jesus, Abby.” She gasped and Abby’s eyes widened with concern before she turned and grabbed a cloth, running it under cold water. Rushing back to Raven and taking her wrist, Abby wrapped it in the cold towel, some of the water running along Raven’s arm.

“Oh God, Abby, now I’m wet, too.” Raven made to get up, but Abby stopped her.

“Don’t move, don’t even think about it.” Abby angled Raven’s arm across her chest and brought Raven’s other hand over to support it. “You keep your hand right there.”

Abby moved around behind Raven and slipped her arms under Raven’s armpits.

“Are you ready?” Abby squatted, positioning herself so the lift didn’t hurt her back.

“Yes, yes.” Raven put her foot flat on the floor to maintain her balance as Abby lifted her. Raven and Abby gasped in unison at the effort, Raven standing as awkwardly as she had fallen.

“Fuck. Jesus, Abby, I think my wrist is fucked. It’s probably just a sprain but, God.” Raven handed Abby back the towel and flexed her wrist, wincing the way the ligaments pulled as she did so.

“I’ll come back for this later.” Raven indicated to the dress she still hadn’t looked at properly and Abby moved to open the door, face still flushed from lifting Raven.

Still flexing her wrist, Raven headed out the door ahead of Abby and caught sight of Marcus leaning against the wall, his face pale. She glanced back at Abby, raising an eyebrow and a smirk formed on Abby’s face as she reached out and wrapped her arm around Raven’s waist.

“Marcus.” She acknowledged the man with a nod and the two made to walk past him, but as they passed he reached out to grab Abby’s arm.

“That was highly unprofessional. I would expect that from someone half your age -” Marcus stopped and looked Raven up and down with disgust. He lowered his voice to a whisper, “-but people could _hear_ you, Abby. We could hear every part of the… _exchange_ between the two of you.” Abby’s arm shifted from its position at Raven’s waist and she folded her arms across her chest.

“What the hell are you talking about, Marcus?” The line between Abby’s eyebrows deepened.

“Everyone could hear the two of you exclaiming each other’s names. Everyone heard Ms Reyes here tell you she was…aroused.” Marcus’ face reddened and Raven coughed to cover up the giggle she could feel building inside her.”

“That’s ridiculous, and I don’t appreciate your implication, Marcus. Raven fell and hurt her wrist. How dare you suggest that anything untoward was occurring. You’re the only one here out of line, Marcus.” Abby’s face was close to the man’s now, her voice low and bordering on threatening. Raven reminded herself never to cross Abby.

Stepping between them, Raven rubbed her hands up and down Abby’s arms, the glare meant for Marcus softening as she looked at Raven.

“Babe, I’ll come back for the dress later, okay?” Raven winked at Abby and her smirk returned, Abby’s anger dissipating visibly as she relaxed into their charade.

“Promise me you’ll put ice on that. I might want that wrist in working order, _later,_ when we’re _at my house_.” Abby spoke those last words over Raven’s shoulder, directing them at Marcus, his blush spreading visibly.

Raven leaned in and place a small kiss to Abby’s cheek, near enough to her lips that Marcus wouldn’t know the difference from where he stood behind Raven.

Later, when Raven passed Marcus in the corridor on her way back to collect the dress, he stopped her and apologised for the misunderstanding.

“I allowed my personal feelings to impair my judgement and I was the one who crossed a professional line. You and Abby can be assured your professional judgement will never again be questioned. I wanted to clear the air before this weekend, being that we’ll be seeing each other at Dr Sinclair and Dr Cartwig’s wedding.”

Raven used every muscle to supress an eye-roll knowing that she and Abby would be required to maintain the façade for another couple of days.

“Consider the air cleared, Marcus, but don’t you ever question Abby like that again. She’s the most competent surgeon in this hospital and always conducts herself with the upmost professionalism.”

Marcus nodded and uttered his apologies once more, ducking his head as he continued down the corridor.

 

* * *

 

The next time Raven saw him was through an arrangement of flowers she was carrying to the small stage where Callie and Sinclair would recite their vows. Slipping into a chair on the side designated for Sinclair’s guests, he offered Raven a nod of his head in acknowledgement before removing his phone from his pocket and studying it intently.

Other guests had begun to arrive and Raven made her way back inside to check if the wedding party needed a hand to get anything else ready. Walking to the back of the house which they’d hired for both the wedding and the reception, Raven made her way down the hallway and knocked on the door of the master bedroom. Gina answered the door looking stunning in her navy bridesmaid dress, her chestnut hair in perfect ringlets framing her face.

“Wow, G, you look stunning.” Gina blushed under Raven’s gaze and stepped back to let her in the room.

“The other three are still flitting about between the bathroom and the dressing room.” Gina rolled her eyes, Raven aware she wasn’t one for fuss, but was happily making the effort for Callie. When Callie and Gina’s mother remarried when Callie was sixteen, she hadn’t expected to fall pregnant, nor had Callie ever expected to have any brothers or sisters. Despite their age difference, the two had always been exceptionally close and Callie had essentially been a third parent to Gina growing up.

Abby dashed out of the dressing room in a whirlwind muttering something about earrings and Raven’s eyes widened as she took in the sight of Abby wearing the very same dress as Gina. She’d seen the dresses before, hanging in Callie’s living room as they had a drink before the bachelorette party, but she’d not yet seen any of the women wearing them. Abby looked incredible.

Locating the box which housed the earrings, Abby handed a pair to Gina and another pair to Raven.

“I just put lotion on my hands, could you do these for me please?”

Raven still hadn’t spoken a word since Abby appeared in the room and she quietly went about removing the earrings Abby had been wearing and replacing them with the ones from the box. Indra and Callie wandered into the room, Callie taking a seat and looking utterly exhausted despite her day having barely begun.

Raven let out a sigh at the sight of Callie in her dress and whistled to her across the room.

“How on earth is Sinclair going to keep his hands off you for the next six hours or so? Seriously, Cal, you look beautiful.” Raven finished with Abby’s earrings and went over to Callie, squeezing her hands in lieu of hugging her in fear of creasing something or ruining her makeup.

Indra changed her earrings too, the three bridesmaids standing in a line in front of the king bed.

“Indra, you look absolutely wonderful.” The woman’s smile lit up the room as Raven winked at her. “So do you, Abby.” Raven cleared her throat as their eyes met and quickly glanced around the room.

None of them would mention the fourth navy dress which was hanging in the closet back at Callie and Sinclair’s, the one Octavia would take back home with her when she and Lincoln left town again.

“Okay, well if you’re all okay in here, I might go and check on the boys. I’m sure Octavia has them in line, and Clarke, Lexa and, Anya have everything else under control out the front.”

Walking further down the hallway, Raven opened the door to another large bedroom only to find it empty. Hearing laughter coming from the library beyond it, she ducked her head around the corner and found Octavia, Bellamy, Sinclair, and his groomsmen sitting around on chesterfield sofas drinking what could only assume to be whiskey.

“Geez, thanks for the invite, assholes. I’ve been slumming it with the hand lotion crew, who’d probably spend the rest of the day checking their makeup if we didn’t have a schedule.” Raven took a seat next to Octavia, bumping her with her shoulder before putting her arm around her and squeezing tightly. Raven was sure the drink in her friend’s hand was not her first for the afternoon.

“I went and checked on them a few minutes ago, your girlfriend looks hot, Rae.” Octavia snorted at her own joke and the guys all joined in with her laughter. Raven pressed her lips together and rolled her eyes before laughing along with them.

“So everyone knows now?” Raven let out a sigh of mock frustration and flicked Octavia on the shoulder with her finger. “Thanks for nothing, bitch.”

“Well what did you want me to do? When you guys are slow dancing tonight to stick one up that Marcus dude, don’t you want us all commenting on what an _adorable_ couple you are, to keep up the show?” Octavia stuck her tongue out and Raven put her hands around the woman’s neck pretending to strangle her.

“You know what? I have to say, if you have to have a pretend girlfriend, Abby’s certainly a good candidate, she’s sure as hell not hard to look at and, let’s face it, she picked pretty well herself.” Raven lounged against the arm of the sofa making a show of crossing her legs and flicking her hair, smirk etched firmly on her face.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’re the hottest fake couple here, we get it.” Lincoln teased her as Sinclair stood and wiped his palms on his trousers. Jackson, Gustus, and Lincoln were all wearing navy dress pants and waistcoats over white shirts. Sinclair was dressed in matching attire, the only difference being a white bow tie, where his groomsmen once again wore navy.

“It’s time, boys.” Sinclair took a deep breath and waited for the others to stand before heading for the door. “Make sure she’s not too fashionably late please, my heart’s already going a mile a minute here.” He spoke to Octavia and Raven as they left the room, Raven standing on her toes to plant a kiss on his cheek.

“You’ll be fine.” She squeezed his hand. “A word of advice though, when the music starts and the girls begin walking toward you, take a deep breath because she looks incredible and it’s gonna knock the life right out of you.”

Sinclair leaned down to whisper in Raven’s ear. “She always does.” With a wink, he and the guys were out of the room, Bellamy trailing behind them wearing the very same brand of despair as Octavia and trying just as hard to cover it up.

Raven and Octavia stopped by the master bedroom to give the bridal party their ten minute warning call.

“You know, we’re going to be getting all the compliments today, but the two of you look gorgeous.” Abby winked at them and then went back to fussing over Callie.

Octavia and Raven went out and took their seats with the rest of their friends, passing the groomsmen who were waiting at the back of the seating area for the bridesmaids to arrive.

“Tell me, Reyes, did you have a plus one for this thing before you went along with my mother’s ridiculous charade?” Clarke rolled her eyes and crossed her legs, reaching a hand over to place on Lexa’s knee beside her. Raven joined in her eye roll.

“You know me, I had a top five, I was struggling through a process of elimination when your mother put me out of my misery.” Raven grinned at Clarke who appeared to be trying to hide her amusement.

“I think she’s means a _bottom_ five.” Anya leaned across Raven’s lap to whisper to Clarke who looked less than impressed, especially when Lexa snorted with laughter just as the music started. Clarke turned her head quickly toward Lexa, no doubt giving her the evil eye, and Raven slapped Anya's shoulder and pushed her back upright.

The guests stood as Jackson and Abby appeared arm in arm at the entrance to the aisle. Walking slowly, the two were followed closely by Lincoln and Gina, with Gustus and Indra strolling behind them. As Abby passed their row of seats, she shot another wink in their direction and Raven didn’t assume it was meant for her until she heard Clarke groan behind her.

The groomsmen took their positions beside Sinclair, the women standing on the opposite side of the stage and all eyes were on Callie and Bellamy as the music changed announcing her arrival. Raven wrapped an arm around Octavia’s waist, all of them holding a collective breath and no doubt thinking of how different the day would have been if the events of the past months hadn’t transpired.

With both her parents long gone, Callie had considered asking her stepfather, Gina’s dad, to walk her down the aisle. Sinclair had then suggested they break from tradition and walk together with nobody giving her away. That was when the wedding party included both Bellamy and Aurora. After his mother’s death, Bellamy approached Callie and Sinclair and asked how they would feel if he excused himself from the wedding party, not wanting his mother’s absence to be made more obvious with the mismatched numbers on either side of the stage.

Callie asked if Bellamy would consider walking her down the aisle instead. Everyone had a tear in their eye that day.

Once again, Raven could barely see, her eyes blurred as she tried desperately not to let her tears escape and streak down her face. Anya reached for her and the two stood with an arm around each other, Anya’s heavy breaths playing havoc with Raven’s ability to steady her own. Raven rubbed small circled on Octavia’s back, unable to look at her as Bellamy and Callie passed them.

 

* * *

 

The ceremony was perfect, just as Raven knew it would be. Not usually one for soppy and romantic, she felt tears welling in her eyes several times, and was relieved when the bride and groom led the wedding party back down the aisle and she and the others could head inside for a drink.

Once dinner and the usual formalities were over, Callie and Sinclair took to the floor for the first dance, the bridal party joining them at the end of their song. Other guests began to join them shortly after, Octavia cutting in to relieve Gina of Lincoln and Jackson turning from Abby to take Gina’s hand. Throwing a grin in Raven’s direction, Abby danced over to their table and offered her hand to Raven.

“May I have this dance?” Raven took Abby’s hand, allowing her to pull her from her seat as Clarke groaned once again. Raven raised her eyebrows as Lexa chastised her. Abby, taller for once with the heels she was wearing, grabbed Raven by the hips and leaned over her shoulder to join Lexa.

“Exactly, can’t your old mom have a bit of fun? Pipe down.” Abby and Lexa laughed together at the look of disgust on Clarke’s face and Abby turned Raven, walking her backwards towards the dancefloor.

Raven stopped walking, leaning in to speak into Abby’s ear. “You’re a doctor, Abs. Surely walking an amputee backwards isn’t one of your more intelligent moves.”

Abby laughed, tightening her grip on Raven’s hips.

“Trust me, I’ve got you, you’re not going anywhere.” Abby smiled and Raven felt heat prickling at her cheeks. Abby’s tone was not one she had heard before. The fleeting thought that Abby might actually be flirting with her was quickly replaced by a reminder for the reason for their façade as Marcus moved towards them, dancing with a woman Raven had never seen before.

“Ladies.” He nodded his head towards them, and Raven reached up to wrap her hands around Abby’s neck.

“Marcus.” She acknowledged the man for only a moment before resting her chin on Abby’s shoulder, letting her lead them around the dance floor.

“You’re good at this, you know.” Abby lowered her voice once more and Raven swallowed, focusing again on Marcus and his partner as she responded.

“At dancing. You’re deluded, Griffin.”

“At pretending. Clarke’s furious and Marcus is jealous as hell. I couldn’t have picked a better fake girlfriend even if I’d had time to think it through.” Something about the statement didn’t sit well with Raven, but she breathed out a laugh and continued dancing with Abby for the remainder of the song.

 

* * *

 

Later that night, Raven, Octavia and Lexa helped the wait staff clear away the growing number of empty glasses and discarded cupcake wrappers on table tops, most of the guests now dancing or standing around relying on the floor to ceiling windows to keep them upright. Abby approached Raven to join her in another dance and Raven found herself hesitating, aware of how much she’d had to drink, and aware that Abby had consumed more than her fair share.

Taking Abby’s hand, she walked with her to the edge of the dance floor, this time placing her own hands on Abby’s hips in the hopes she wouldn’t stumble and cause them both to fall.

“You’re a good person, Raven.” Abby’s speech wasn’t slurred, but Raven could tell she was speaking slowly in order to be precise. “You lost her too, and you’ve been there for O and Bellamy as if your grief is secondary to theirs. You don’t have to do that, you know.”

“Please, Abby. Let’s not do this tonight. I don’t have enough energy to hold it together if you make me talk about her right now.” Raven took a deep breath, her chest expanding against Abby’s and causing Abby to stop dancing.

Lowering her arms, Abby’s hands trailed up and down the skin exposed by Raven’s backless top.

“Okay, but we need to talk soon, all right?” Abby looked completely sober as she looked into Raven’s eyes, the look unnerving under the circumstances. Raven nodded.

Reaching a hand up to Raven’s cheek, Abby brushed some hair away from Raven’s face before leaning in to place a kiss to her cheek. Raven felt the warmth in her cheeks increase and, pulling away, she smiled at Abby and looked around them to see if she could spot Marcus.

“He left an hour ago.” Clarke let go of Lexa’s shoulder to lean over to Raven, having clearly read her mind. Lexa rolled her eyes again while Clarke’s face was turned, and tapped Abby on the shoulder.

“Dance with your daughter, Abby. I need some Raven time.” Lexa reached for Raven’s hand and walked her back to their table, grabbing a bottle of champagne from the cooler in the centre and pouring each of them a glass.

“You can tell me to mind my own business if you like, but I think you need to meet with Abby tomorrow and say enough is enough.” Lexa took a sip of her drink, screwing up her nose as the bubbles hit her.

Raven looked over to where the two Griffin women were dancing together, Abby spinning Clarke away from her before drawing her back in.

“You and Clarke really have a problem with this little game, huh?” Raven smiled, hoping Lexa wouldn’t be offended by her choice of words. Raven liked the woman a lot, but had always found her a little hard to read. She’d also been somewhat put off by the fact that Lexa spoke her mind as plainly as she did, herself.

“It’s not just a game now though, is it?” Lexa leaned her head on her hand, elbow resting on the table, her stare intent. Raven couldn’t look away, the woman’s gaze went right through her and Raven felt like a kid who’d been caught writing a love note to her crush.

“Please stop looking at me like that, I feel stupid, Lexa. I don’t actually know what to say.” Raven ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath. She was afraid that admitting it aloud might make it true. She had started to develop feelings for Abby.

“Hey, you don’t have to feel stupid, okay? Those Griffin women are something else, trust me.” Lexa rolled her eyes and the two shared a laugh. “I just don’t think she has any idea what she’s doing, and it’s not fair on you to have her continue that way.”

With the intensity of the day weighing heavily on her, the concern in Lexa’s voice was almost too much for Raven.

“Do you think Clarke has noticed?” Raven’s voice was small as she stole a glance back at the dancers, the smiles on their faces electric.

Lexa shook her head, her features adamant.

"No way. I doubt anyone else would have. We’re similar, you and me. Both of us are hard asses until pretty girls disarm us.” Lexa smiled and Raven laughed despite herself.

“So damn true. I’m a disgrace, dude. We both are.” Raven took a sip of her drink and made an effort to maintain eye contact with Lexa rather than letting her gaze wander back to the dancefloor as the music changed.

“I think I’ll just let it be. I’m sure she’ll fake break up with me in a week or so, anyway. I’m done at the hospital for now. I won’t have to go back over there until the trials are completed next month. It’ll be fine.” Raven waved her hand dismissively and ignored Lexa’s raised eyebrows.

“There wasn’t really a top five, was there?” Lexa smirked at the look on Raven’s face at having been called out yet again.

“Nope. I was bringing Harper McIntyre, originally, but it got kind of awkward when she started seeing another woman at work so Octavia and I just decided we’d come together.” Lexa nodded, finishing her drink and standing to clear the empty bottle and glasses from their table.

“I hope you know what you’re doing, Raven.” She stared again, as if trying to read Raven’s mind. “Help me with these, would you?”

 

* * *

 

As the evening drew to a close, the guests forming two lines out the front to farewell Sinclair and Callie, Abby wrapped an arm around Raven’s waist.

“He’s gone home, Abby. Didn’t you hear Clarke?” Raven’s voice was gentle despite the feeling of Lexa’s eyes on them, and despite the conflicting feelings inside her when Abby’s hand was splayed against her skin once more.

“I just wanted to say thank you. I know this seems silly, I suppose it is, but Marcus has been bothering me since the moment he won that position and, to be completely honest, there’s something rather invigorating about having a younger woman on my arm.” She nudged Raven who laughed at the way Abby’s eyebrows bounced with her words.

“You’re not that much older, Abs, but if this is how you get your kicks, who am I to stop you.” Raven nudged Abby right back.

“So you won’t mind pretending with me for two more events then?” Abby’s brow was creased, her face was part apology, part amusement, and Raven couldn’t tell if her own heart was sinking or bursting at the prospect of having to keep the charade going for longer than she’d expected.

She avoided meeting Lexa’s gaze for as long as possible, but finally gave in, glancing over to where she and Clarke stood on the opposite side of the line. Lexa’s raised eyebrow somehow communicated so much more than any words could in the moment, and as the bride and groom hugged and kissed the last of their guests, everyone cheering as they stepped into the vehicle waiting for them, all Raven could do was shrug.

 

* * *

 

The annual Ark Hospital Gala was a huge affair. Raven had attended once before, but stepping into the enormous hall, the event appeared even more lavish than she had remembered. Countless tables had been decorated towards the front of the room, each with a clear view of the podium, each worth thousands with guests paying handsomely for a chance to see their name listed as sponsors of the benefit. At the back of the room was a huge open space to be used as a dance floor once the auction was complete and the displayed items had been removed.

Abby and Raven shared a table with Callie, Sinclair, Indra, Jackson, Clarke, Lexa, Anya, and Gina. The group had met for drinks at Abby’s house earlier and, from the moment she had opened the door to Raven, Abby had barely taken her eyes off her. Raven wore a black fitted suit, her bowtie purposely undone beneath the collar of her white shirt. It felt good to be dressed that way, easily outdoing the two men at their table who were dressed similarly. It felt good to be looked at, and, ignoring pointed glances from Lexa, Raven revelled in the feeling that Abby was the one doing most of the looking.

“It’s one thing to arrive with a younger woman on my arm. It’s another thing entirely for her to also be the most handsome person in the room.” Abby smirked, quirking an eyebrow at Raven and smoothing her hands down over her dress, Raven’s eyes watching their movement more intently than she would care to admit.

By turns, the tables were given the opportunity to survey the items to be auctioned. When Marcus sidled up to them, Raven made no attempt to cover her eye roll, her hands going automatically to Abby’s waist and turning her away. Raven was tired of the predatory way he looked at Abby, tired of having to put on a show in order for him to get the message. Abby saying she wasn’t interested should have been enough, but Raven had known plenty of men like Marcus in her time, plenty of men who needed a reason besides the word _no_.

With her hands on Abby’s hips and Abby’s breath tickling her face, Raven was torn between looking Abby in the eyes and continuing to glare at Marcus over Abby’s shoulder.

“You’re cute when you’re in protective mode, you know?” Abby’s whisper turned Raven’s attention, and she found herself focusing on Abby’s smirk and her eyes in turn.

Seeing Marcus approach them again, Raven let out a string of expletives under her breath and Abby turned her head, catching sight of the man, before turning back to Raven.

“Kiss me.” Abby’s smirk hit Raven in a thousand different places and, against her better judgement, she leaned in and pressed her lips to Abby’s.

She wondered if it looked like a first kiss to anyone watching, her eyes closing as Abby’s fingers worked their way into her hair. She wondered if everyone around them could tell that Abby was making her lightheaded and that, for once, it was something other than her leg which threatened to upset her balance. Feeling warm where her shirt collar was buttoned high around her neck, Raven made to pull back, only to feel Abby lean forward and continue the kiss. Raven was embarrassed by how it made her feel, and by the way her heart pounded inside her chest each time Abby’s fingers pressed lightly into the back of her head.

Chest heaving, Raven managed to pull away, Abby’s eyes still closed for a moment after they separated. Raven looked around them, unable to sight Marcus, her eyes finding Lexa instead. From where they were standing it appeared as if Lexa was keeping Clarke behind a large painting, talking to her and glancing over her shoulder periodically, Clarke’s shoes visible beneath the large easel the artwork was positioned on.

Lexa’s gaze was a mixture of disapproval, disappointment, and concern. Raven felt each one as a punch to the stomach, all the while trying to keep her eyes from finding Abby’s. Their hands were clasped together as she feigned interest in the items around them.

“Well that sure got rid of him.” Raven felt her heart sink at Abby’s words, each a reminder of their façade, a new blow to the feelings she was trying to suppress.

“I hope so, this has gone beyond a joke.” Abby looked taken aback by Raven’s response and Raven rushed to clarify her meaning, unable to cope with seeing Abby’s face fall in that manner. “I mean his insistence, his constant need to insert himself into your life. It’s pathetic.” Raven flinched at her own choice of words, aware Marcus was perhaps not the only pathetic one who wanted to mean more to Abby.

Dinner was great, the MC hilarious, the auction a success, but Raven spent the rest of the evening pressing her lips together, recalling the way Abby’s had felt against her own.

“You need to end this, Raven.” Lexa handed Raven a folded white hand towel as she turned off the taps in the bathroom which was almost as big as Raven’s apartment. Drying her hands, Raven glanced at herself in the mirror, avoiding eye contact with Lexa.

“I know I do. I just really don’t want to, you know?” Raven leaned closer to the mirror and examined her features, avoiding direct eye contact with herself now.

“You deserve to be with someone who kisses you like that because they absolutely have to, and not to prove some stupid point. You deserve to not feel guilty afterwards, Raven.” Lexa’s words felt like a clenched fist gripping at her heart. Similar or not, the woman saw through her and Raven was as resentful as she was grateful for Lexa’s honesty. She knew it came from a good place.

 

* * *

 

When several texts message from Abby over the following week felt more like something an actual girlfriend would send, Raven decided to pay Abby a visit and suggest they put an end to their arrangement.

Knocking on Abby’s front door, Raven blew warm air into her cupped hands in an attempt to warm them, the cold air rushing across Abby’s porch and chilling her. After three knocks had gone unanswered, Raven took out her phone and selected Abby’s number as she walked back to her car. After three rings, Abby picked up.

“Hey, Raven, what’s up?” Raven could hear a crowd of voices in the background which suggested she was more likely at a bar than on an emergency shift at the hospital.

“Hey, Abs, I just stopped by your house, but you’re not here. Are you out for the night?” Raven turned her key in the ignition, turning the music down low and the heat up high.

“Sure am, honey, why don’t you come join us? Indra and Callie dragged me out to that bar Indra likes down the street from karaoke. Polis?” Abby uttered the word uncertainly, but Raven could picture where they were, sure the bar was actually named Polaris. Close.

Raven agreed to meet them for one drink, not keen on a big night, and not keen on leaving her car somewhere in the city and having to find her way back to it early the next morning to avoid having it towed.

It took her the best part of the fifteen minute drive to convince herself the evening would be harmless even without having the necessary talk with Abby. Parking a block away, Raven walked as quickly as she could in an effort to get out of the cold, reminding herself with each step that there’d be no need for a show tonight. No need for lingering touches, no more surprise kisses. Elation and disappointment battled inside her chest at the thought.

“Raven!” Indra was the first to spot her, slipping her purse under her arm and removing Raven’s jacket before throwing it over the bar towards her favourite bar tender. “Hang that one for us, would you?” She offered the man a wink and, when he returned it, Raven wondered if there was a clear reason this bar was always Indra’s first choice.

“We’re over here, we’re over here. How is it you make jeans and a plain old shirt look so good?” Indra pulled Raven into their booth and Raven rolled up her shirt sleeves feeling self-conscious about the compliment.

“Raven!”

“Raven!” Both Callie and Abby recovered from a fit of laughter and noticed Raven sitting before them at the very same time. Both woman smiled at her, Raven shifting her attention from Abby’s eyes to Callie’s almost immediately.

“Okay-” Abby stood from the table, “-I’m buying this round. Raven, we’re playing guess the drink.” Abby bounced her eyebrows up and down and Raven couldn’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm, feeling herself relax against the leather seat of the booth and considering perhaps having more than one drink after all.

 

* * *

 

It took only two rounds of guess the drink for it to become very clear to Raven that she was far too tired for a night out, and that Abby was not in any position to catch the train by herself when Indra and Callie lived in the other direction. Coaxing Abby out of the bar took time, Indra and Callie moaning and calling her a party-pooper as if she were twice their age rather than almost half, in Indra’s case.

Wrapping her arm around Abby’s waist, Raven held her all the way back to her car, the walk taking twice as long with Abby’s measured steps. Helping Abby into the car, Raven clipped her into her seat belt and rounded the vehicle to take her seat. No sooner had they taken off and Abby was leaning against the console, her head resting against Raven’s arm. Slurring her thank yous and appreciation of everything Raven had been doing for her, Abby wasn’t aware that they were in her driveway until Raven was unclipping her seat belt and pulling her from the vehicle.

Rummaging through her purse for her keys, Abby dropped the whole thing at her front door and Raven reached into her pocket to turn on her phone light as she knelt down to pick up the contents. Finding Abby’s key, Raven jiggled it in the lock and pushed the door open for Abby to walk inside.

Walking Abby to the sofa, Raven lowered her down onto a cushion and removed Abby’s heels before going in search of a blanket. Searching the cupboard at the end of the hall, Raven found two and made her way back to the lounge room to cover Abby up.

She appeared to already be sleeping when Raven returned, eyes closed, breathing even, and Raven was careful to spread the blankets over Abby’s curled up form without disturbing her. Raven went to the kitchen and filled a glass with water before walking to the bathroom in search of painkillers. Finding what she needed, she went back to the lounge room and set them up on the coffee table in front of Abby, certain she’d need them at whatever hour she awoke with an inevitable splitting headache.

Raven made to leave and looked back at Abby once more, checking she appeared comfortable, and, before she’d thought twice, she was leaning down and placing a kiss to Abby’s forehead. As she went to stand, Abby reached a hand to the back of Raven’s head and pulled her closer, Abby’s lips ghosting a feint kiss against Raven’s cheeks.

“Thank you, Raven.” Abby’s eyes opened momentarily and closed again, a smile spread across her face.

Raven fought with herself about whether to leave, considering curling up in the armchair opposite Abby, considering finding blankets and a cushion for herself. Shaking her head, she walked to the front door and ensured it was locked from the inside before closing it behind her.

 

* * *

 

Abby sent Raven a thank you message the next morning and phoned to thank her again later in the afternoon. Over the course of the week, the two messaged and chatted on the phone more than they ever had before, Raven clock watching, acutely aware of what time Abby took her break, and anticipating the call after a couple of days.

“…that’s how it came up again and Marcus said he knew I’d be there and then Ontari asked if I would bring you so…” Abby stopped her ramble abruptly, having rushed her explanation as to how she had wound up agreeing to yet another function which required them to be together.

“So he’ll be there again?” Raven’s antipathy towards Marcus was growing with every mention of his name.

“He will, but, Raven, I understand if you’re tired of this. I know its silly.” She was doing it again. Purposely or not, Abby’s tone caused Raven to picture the woman’s disappointment and she was completely unable to say no.

“It’s fine, Abby, what should I wear?” More drinks, more fancy venues, more tables the average person would never be able to afford to sit at, more pretending. Raven was exhausted by the very idea of it.

“I think you should wear that suit again, you had all the woman swooning that night.” Raven grinned at the compliment and hoped like hell Abby didn’t mention their latest arrangement to Lexa and Clarke. Raven hadn’t seen Lexa since the night of the gala, but she couldn’t face the woman again having not yet ended things.

“Okay, I’ll pick you up at 7, Abs.”

“It’s a date.”

 

* * *

 

Arriving at Abby’s fifteen minutes early, Raven wiped her hands down the fabric of her pants before knocking on the door. Abby was there immediately, ushering Raven inside and taking the heavy winter coat she wore over her suit.

“Wow. You wear that really fucking well.” Raven hadn’t often heard Abby swear and her nervousness caused her to laugh like a teenage girl.

When Abby leaned in to place a kiss to Raven’s cheek, Raven felt her eyes flutter closed and she had to force herself not to turn her head and capture Abby’s lips in a kiss like the one they had shared a fortnight before.

Abby walked back through the house, having already poured Raven a drink, and Raven hesitated as she accepted the offered glass, tired that each time they interacted there was alcohol involved.

“Have you had one already?” Raven placed her glass on the table and pushed her hands into her pockets.

“No-“ Abby stopped pouring a drink of her own and stood the bottle back up beside her glass, eyeing Raven, her brow furrowed, “-I thought I’d wait and have one with you.”

Raven nodded, reaching for her glass again and raising it to her lips. She lowered it without taking a sip.

“Can we not do this tonight, Abby? I don’t want to drink with you. I miss just having a regular night like we used to have where we could just talk, and hang out, you know?” Raven couldn’t clearly explain her hesitation.

She couldn’t say she wouldn’t be able to cope if Abby’s hands wandered again. She didn’t have the words to describe how much she wanted to kiss Abby again and how much it absolutely could never happen. Abby appeared offended or confused by Raven’s choice of words. Embarrassed even. Grabbing her purse from the table, Abby forced a smile and grabbed Raven’s hand and began to walk them to the door.

There was no one there to see them. There was no reason to put on a show. Abby’s hand felt so good in Raven’s and Raven felt her heart ache, torn between wanting and knowing the damage the wanting had caused for her already. She let go of Abby’s hand and walked back into the lounge room, taking a seat on the sofa and hanging her head in her hands. She heard Abby’s heels clicking along the wood floor and back into the room after her.

“Raven?”

“Abby, we need to stop. I can’t do this with you anymore. I can’t keep pretending to be your girlfriend.”

Raven expected some level of disappointment or annoyance from Abby. She didn’t expect her face to fall the way it did, as she sat down next to her. Nor did Raven expect her heart to plummet at the sight of it.

“I’m sorry, I suppose it has gone on a bit long, but I guess I was having a bit of fun with it, too, you know?” Abby looked embarrassed at her own admission. When Raven didn’t respond, Abby reached for her hand. “What is it, Raven? Are you angry with me? It was stupid, I know. I panicked that first night at Callie’s bachelorette and I could have stopped it any time after that. I’m sorry.” Abby’s eyes were pleading with Raven for answers.

Raven’s jaw was hurting from keep it clenched. Each time Abby had placed a hand at the small of her back, her skin burned under the touch, and every time Abby’s hand had slipped into hers, Raven’s stomach flipped. If she said nothing, things could go back to the way they had always been, for Abby at least. If she said nothing she didn’t need to risk ruining their friendship and, potentially, her friendships with Callie and Clarke in the process.

“Raven. Say something, please. I can’t bear the thought of you being mad at me over this.”

“Goddamn it, Abby. I’m _not_ mad.” Raven knew she looked furious, but she was beside herself and completely unable to control the tone of her voice.

“Then what?” Abby reached a hand to Raven’s cheek. “Honey, talk to me.”

Raven leaned into Abby’s touch, eyes closing momentarily at the feel of Abby’s skin against hers once more.

“You said this was fun.” Raven barely recognized her own voice, the words clouding at the back of her throat.

“It was. I know it’s silly, but after a while I started having fun with this. I thought you did too. I’m sorry if I was wrong.” Abby stroked her thumb over Raven’s cheek and Raven felt her head and her heart at war with each other again, one screaming at her to move away from Abby, the other wanting to be closer.

“It was fun for a while, but then it stopped being fun for me, Abby.” Raven swallowed, knowing she was on the verge of the very admission she was afraid to declare.

“When?” Abby searched Raven’s eyes as if the answers could be found there, as if she too worried Raven couldn’t utter the words.

“When I wanted it to be real-” the tears Raven had been trying to hold onto refused to stay put any longer. Pressing her lips together, she felt her forehead straining as she pulled her cheek away from Abby’s hand. She wanted to move further away, put more distance between them before Abby could react.

“The night of the gala…” Abby didn’t finish the sentence and when Raven looked up to meet her eyes, she saw tears threatening to spill from Abby’s, too.

“You knew?” Raven felt betrayed. Swallowing the thick feeling which was rising in the back of her throat she felt frozen, unable to do anything but stare at Abby in disgust. “You knew, and you let it continue? Is that when it got fun, Abby? When you could laugh at how pathetic I was?”

“Raven, don’t. It’s not like that at all.” Abby’s eyes were wide now, her hand shaking as she reached for Raven’s.

“Abby, I need to leave. I’ve never felt more humiliated in my life, and on top of that I’m afraid I’ve just lost one of my closest friends.”

When Abby made no attempt to move, Raven stalked past her, picked up her keys and stormed out the front door.

“Raven, wait. I need you to hear me out.” Raven was half way to her car when Abby rushed out of the house carrying Raven’s coat and her own.

“I’m done, Abby. You should have stopped it that night. I should have. I can’t believe I was so stupid.”

“Raven, stop.” There was frustration in Abby’s tone now and Raven took small comfort in the fact that she felt nothing as Abby gripped her arm, no stomach flutter, no warmth. “I need you to hear me out.” Raven shook her arm from Abby’s grip and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Something changed the night of the hospital gala-“ Raven rolled her eyes, her nostrils flaring with anger and her heart clenching in her chest, “-no, I mean, something changed for _me_ that night, too.”

Abby took a step closer and wrapped Raven’s jacket around her shoulders before slipping her arms into her own. Raven lowered her arms to her sides, pulling the coat around her. Abby’s breathes were becoming heavier. She appeared anxious and Raven felt her own heart beat increase at the look in Abby’s eyes.

“When I answered the door that night and you were wearing that suit-“ Abby gestured to the same outfit she’d requested Raven wear again, “- I couldn’t take my eyes off you. I was embarrassed by the way I felt. Then after a couple of drinks, when Marcus wouldn’t leave us alone and you started being more affectionate in front of him, when you put your arms around me, I didn’t want you to stop.” Abby took another step towards Raven and reached out her hand, her movements tentative, cautious.

Raven allowed Abby to take her hand, her body numb to the cold.

“What are you saying, Abby?” Raven’s voice was barely above a whisper now.

“I’m saying,” Abby took a deep breath before continuing, “- I want to stop pretending, Raven, but I don't want this to stop.”

Abby appeared small standing in front of her, as if her own admission added a greater weight rather than relieving her. Raven moved in and wrapped her arms around Abby’s waist.

“So when you asked me to kiss you that night-“ Raven was embarrassed by the way her anticipation was evident throughout her whole body, her chest rising and falling too rapidly, her grip on Abby’s hips too tight.

“I actually needed you to kiss me, Raven. You were holding me so close and I had been wanting to do it for too long-“

Abby didn’t get a chance to finish, Raven’s lips against hers before she could complete the thought. Raven ran her hands up Abby’s back, pressing their bodies together, needing to feel Abby against her. She heard Abby whimper as her tongue flicked against Abby’s lower lip, a sound she echoed shortly after when she felt Abby’s tongue caress her own.

Pulling back, Abby kept her arms around Raven’s neck, Raven’s hands brushing up and down Abby’s sides beneath her coat.

“I don’t want to go out tonight, Abby. I don’t want to share you, I don’t want this to be about anyone else anymore. I need this to be about us tonight.” Raven stroked her thumb over Abby’s cheek, her mind barely able to catch up with the words they had shared, and the kiss she could still feel against her lips.

“So you’re saying tonight I get you all to myself?” Abby smirked, and for the first time Raven allowed the look to travel through her without guilt following it’s path.

Raven shrugged. “If you play your cards right.”


End file.
